This post will be just a little different and be prepared as I bare my soul just a bit.
But before I talk about more personal things, I wanted to say that after a little break (both planned and unplanned, with a little keyboard issues thrown in!) I finally started writing again this week! A possible beginning to the fourth (and perhaps last!) novella in the Landers Town Romance series.
And by the way, the third novella, "The More I See You", debuted around the first of the year so if you haven't yet picked it up, as of this writing, it's still on sale! Actually, ALL my books are currently on sale as of this moment! You can find them on Amazon. (And if you enjoy them, I'd be so grateful if you took a moment to write a good review! Thank you!) :)
If you read my last post back in September, you know that my youngest daughter left for six months with Youth With A Mission. And now that time is is drawing to a close- so hard to believe! It has been an incredible time for her, filled with joys, tears, and everything in between. God has grown her in amazing ways and has also used her to minister to others.
We have been in touch almost every day, but these mama arms will be glad to finally hug her in just so many days!
Although Christmas wasn't the same without her, our oldest was home on break from college for three weeks and it was still a wonderful time.
Then January came.
If you're anything like me, after the Christmas decorations are put away, winter can feel a bit gloomy at times. When you add sickness to the equation, it can feel downright unbearable.
It was during this month that my husband was finally hit with that virus we've heard so much about these past two years. For most people, it is simply an annoying virus. However, he had been working extra-long hours, and because he had pneumonia about four times already in his life, this strain settled right at home in his chest. For days and days. I spent nearly every waking minute caring for him, researching every bit of information I could, and praying earnestly.
After hearing too many true stories of wrong protocol in some of the hospitals for this virus, I was wanting to do all I could to keep him at home, but his oxygen numbers dangled precariously close to the danger zone.
I spent my birthday at the pharmacy, running errands, and taking care of my husband. (Although he had gifts he had bought me before he was sick that he wanted me to open, and my sweet YWAM daughter had a friend deliver cake and flowers that evening!) Still, it didn’t feel like a true celebration, and it was the first time I could remember a birthday anything close to this. But the strange thing was, I didn't really care. My deepest desire was just for my husband to get well.
I finally reached out to our pastor to pray, as well as asked for prayer on social media. And it was right after this that the tide began to turn!
My husband's numbers began to go up slightly. Two different people dropped medicine on our doorstep. (Safe medicine that has been proven to work and shouldn't be so hard for the average person to have, but that's for another post, another day!)
I was overwhelmed with the goodness of people reaching out in prayer, suggestions, and kindness, God knows that we need others for support, and I'll never forget how it all made me feel less alone.
God did indeed answer our prayers! We were beyond thankful!
As my husband greatly improved a few days later, I began to feel a bit achy, however. (Only my home test was negative, go figure! ) It wasn't that surprising I would get sick, since I was caring for him constantly- and his cough was just as constant! I didn't get as sick as he did, thankfully, but I was emotionally and physically exhausted, and I had a fever that kept dragging on. Even though my husband was nearly well now, I had a kind of post-anxiety hanging over me as I dealt with my own body aches and fatigue in the aftermath of stress.
It began to be hard to imagine what it would feel like to be out of this winter of sickness. I remember feeling this way in years gone by, with other flu-like illnesses that went through the family and seemed to linger way past their welcome. And often times, with the physical symptoms, come the feelings of gloom. Almost like being in an endless dark tunnel.
Through all those weeks of either my husband or I being sick, there were many times when I felt God close to me, assuring me that we were in His care. But even during the times when it was harder to feel this, it didn't change the fact that He was with me.
I recently read something that I think was attributed to Corrie Ten Boom. To paraphrase, she said that if you were on a train and it suddenly went through a tunnel, throwing you all into darkness, would you and the other passengers all say, "Oh no! Now we're in the dark! We better jump off!" No, you would wait until you got through the tunnel and into the light again.
I would further add, was the conductor of the train worried when you went through the tunnel? Or was the sun truly gone from the sky when you went through the tunnel, or was it there, all along?
Today, I am happy to say that we are both very well! We even feel closer and more appreciative of one another now! God has a way bringing good out of what the enemy meant for harm.
As I sit here writing on this chilly day at the end of February, though the temperature is only in the 30s, at least the sun is shining brightly, birds have been singing cheerfully for over a week now, and even the first blossoms of trees are shyly peeking out. Winter is nearly over.
I think we all go through our own personal "long winters", some seemingly worse than others. Challenging times through circumstances, sickness, inner turmoil, or all of the above. We just can't completely avoid it in this fallen world. But no matter how it looks or how we feel, God is still there, caring for us. We were told to walk by faith, not by sight. And not by feelings. Instead, we are to stand on the truth of His Word.
And He says that if we know Jesus, He is always loving us, and He will never leave us. And though we can’t avoid problems, He is still able to heal and restore us. He promises to give us hope and a future. Even when we can’t quite see it yet.
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” ~John 16:33